Making Finding Hogwarts has been one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done. I have never been an aggressive person. I have never had self confidence. I have never put work into anything because I never believed I could produce anything worth being proud of. Why set myself up for failure? In the past, when I have seen someone doing something that I believed to be wrong, I would not say anything. If I thought I looked good and someone told me otherwise, I would believe them. Everyone else was always right because after all, what the hell do I know? Who do I think I am? Of course you’re wrong, Bre. You always are. Sounds like a perfect director, right? Hah.
I started this with very little faith in myself. In the beginning, I made a lot of mistakes. I ignored intuitions and withheld input. I let other people make decisions because I believed they knew better. (Not to say that they didn’t, but I never even gave myself a chance.)
Apparently passion is the only thing that can start to override my insecurities. This movie means the world to me. It feels like a child. Hell, it is my baby. It is the child of Bre and the Harry Potter series. This is my love letter to the series and to the fandom. And you know what guys? I don’t want to let you down. After all HP and the community has done for me, I feel an extreme responsibility to properly portray this book series. I feel that I have a responsibility to properly portray this fandom. Not just for you guys, but for everyone who watches it.
This movie is really changing me. For the first time in my life I am taking a leap of faith and trusting intuitions. For the first time in my life I’m chasing something I want instead of assuming that I couldn’t catch it anyway. For the first time in my life I’m actually fighting for my opinions. I am amazed at what this is doing for other aspects of my life and how easily other problems I deal with have started to untangle themselves with a little boost in confidence.
The most impressive part of all this (to me at least) is that I’m actually working on something. As I said before, I have never given my all to anything I’ve worked on because I never really believed I could do it. I can not think of one thing I’ve ever done in my entire life that I’ve been proud of. I have always let everyone do everything for me, and it has not always been my way. Even if this movie sucks and no one wants to see it and everyone hates all over it, at the end of the day I will still be able to look at it and say “this is mine” and that is definitely something to be proud of.
(For the record, I could of worked on this by myself for 10 years and it still would not be anywhere near what it is without John. He has done a tremendous amount of the work load and has dedicated himself to this fully. The day Rita and I came up with this idea, after he got through the initial shock of how ridiculous it sounds, I could not believe he actually agreed to work on this. Had he kept it at “You guys are insane”, we would have never taken the trip and I would have no reason to be writing this.)